Holiday seasons are tough on a lot of people. Those of us
with “special” families have our share of Christmas horror stories …. too much
drinking, too much drama, too much expectation. The media doesn’t help. We are
bombarded from mid November on with the expectation that this is a time to be
happy, to be connected to family which is supposed to be in and of itself a
good thing, that we should buy, buy, buy, … Little wonder why the Help hotlines
are overwhelmed at this time of year.
Those of us with out of step families feel well, out of step. We ask
ourselves how is it that we don’t have the pie in the oven, the merriment
around the tree, the peace and love we surely all crave.
When it comes to the media unfortunately their message will
never change. They are geared toward making people believe that spending money
will bring back that family feeling. It doesn’t. Know that.
What can change is how we talk to ourselves. I can mind my
expectations by not creating a fantasy of what I want my family to be. This
will be helpful because what I want it to be and what it is are a lifetime and
a world apart. So what to do? How about I work on accepting what is? How might
that be helpful? Well for starters, if I take the stance of accepting what is,
it’s easy to go from there to being grateful. Gratitude I have come to learn is
the great equalizer of shitty stuff. Have a parent with dementia? Being
grateful for the small moments in between gives one the strength to make it
through the harder moments. Have a relative with mental illness? Again, being
grateful for the small moments means being able to cope with the bigger ones
that make no sense. Being grateful for the small moments means being present to
that. When you’re present, and grateful, the mechanism to blow things out of
proportion whether good (fantasy family) or bad (every thing is ruined) is
limited.
As this year comes to an end, and we, by definition of the
holiday, get together with friends and family, be real .. both with yourself
and with others. Mind your expectations and look for gratitude for the little
things. Doing so has a way of making little moments grow just a little bigger….
Just enough to make things fine, just as they are.
Peace be with you.
